my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
