Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
