I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
