Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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