i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
