Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
