cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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