Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
