I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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