also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In America we eat man semen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
