You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
