I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
