so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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