Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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