I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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