He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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