I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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