Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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