It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
