keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
