And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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