I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
