Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
