Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize