Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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