Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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