hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
