jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
