Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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