i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
