haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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