I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
