So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
