i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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