I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
