DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
