it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My feet surprised me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
