Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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