I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
