I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
