It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
