I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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