marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
