perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
