i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
