My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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