Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
