you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
