Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
