remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
