was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
two words...techno handjob
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
