I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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