i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
