Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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