Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
