It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
