We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
