you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
