and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
