I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
