did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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