He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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