I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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