get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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