the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she told me i tasted like america
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
