My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
