I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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