Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
