We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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