she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
