Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I supernannyed him into submission
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize