You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
