hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
