with your own penis?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
birth control should be required to get into college
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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