I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
