how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize