using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
