we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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