Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
