I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
