4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
