she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk is not a location!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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