I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night