She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.