Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?