Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."