Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
