morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.