Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

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(310): If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels. http://tfl.nu/zmdk

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.

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(603): you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics. http://tfl.nu/re5j

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu

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(863): View more from Florida

I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

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(863): I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy. http://tfl.nu/ar0z

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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(617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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(920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg

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(518): View more from New York

You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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(518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

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(+44): Hey, did you take me to hospital last night? http://tfl.nu/iu9j

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(754): View more from Florida

I feel like the other woman.

(954): View more from Florida

You ARE the other woman.

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(754): I feel like the other woman. (954): You ARE the other woman. http://tfl.nu/ryi3

Replies (19) Good night (3036) Bad night (1545)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer

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(508): He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer http://tfl.nu/btvn

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us

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(902): I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us http://tfl.nu/ltgm

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(949): View more from California

The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.

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(949): The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk. http://tfl.nu/ipq9

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(270): View more from Kentucky

It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

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(270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.

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(902): Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure. http://tfl.nu/e9kb

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(815): View more from Illinois

His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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(815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz

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