Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.