make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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